


Nyctophobia

by Predaking



Series: Simpatico One-shots [1]
Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Hallucinations, Light Angst, Mental Health Issues, Non Canon Pronouns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-06
Updated: 2016-04-06
Packaged: 2018-05-31 15:23:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6475612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Predaking/pseuds/Predaking
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was ridiculous really, how Brainstorm of all people could be afraid of something that wasn't there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nyctophobia

**Author's Note:**

> Lmao this turned from me projecting myself onto my faves into a gay mess.
> 
> Non-canon pronouns used, both are she/her
> 
> edit; yes for the longest time i referred to percy as they/them i changed my mind

She slept with the lights on.

Despite Ultra Magnus complaining about rules and how it ran up energy, despite snickering remarks at her that she, a bot that had faced horrors in the form of indescribable monsters of her own creation, was afraid of the dark, Brainstorm slept with the lights on.

It wasn’t exactly the dark she was afraid of, no no that’d be ridiculous to be afraid of an intangible being. It was what manifested in the dark.

When it was light they couldn’t get to her, the creations of her own wandering mind; looming over her, screaming in her audials, raking their claws down her arms, breathing hot rancid breath into her face, tugging at her wings as if to rip them off. The ones that stood by and simply watched had to be the worst though, staring with large white orbs and twitching like a badly rendered video game.

They were cowards; in the dark nobody could see them, berating and mauling Brainstorm.  They were cowards, but so was she. How pathetic that she couldn’t get rid of something that wasn’t even there. It was the one creation of her mind she had no control of, and couldn’t forcibly gain control of. She would try to grab at them, pull their talons away from her body. They just dodged, contorting in ways that no creature could just to avoid her grasp, tsking at her to think she could get rid of them that easily.

In the light they were at bay. In the light they stalked in shadows like anxious tigers, searching for an escape, searching for a means of attack. But she wouldn’t let them, she wouldn’t throw the cage lock and let them to rip her to shreds. Brainstorm had some self-control, despite many other’s beliefs.

But sometimes she wasn’t the one who held the key. Sometimes small things would break the lock, releasing the beasts. A word, a topic, an image. And she was a coward, when they were released she fled. Not the beasts, no, she couldn’t flee them. No, she fled her company, no matter who it was. No one could know how weak she was.

And they cackled and shrieked when she did, howling in her audials. It took all of her willpower to make it to her room, a closet, anywhere private before collapsing in a heap and covering her head until they went away. Often she never made it, often she had to take refuge in a forgotten storage closet. A place she would remain until she managed to calm down.

Nobody went looking for her, nobody ever did. Even in her outbursts. When confronted on it, Brainstorm would simply brush it off as having forgotten something in her lab, and it being time-sensitive she attend to it. She would apologize for not telling them before, and that she was sorry for worrying them (though a voice in the back of her mind would confirm she worried no one at all).

It was in this moment, Ultra Magnus held the key.

He confronted her in the hallway while she was on the way to her room for recharge.

“Brainstorm,” He said simply, putting a hand out to stop her from going past him. She ran into it with a quiet “oof” sound, she hadn’t been paying attention to where she was going.

She tucked the datapad she had been studying against her chest, her winglets held high as she looked up at Magnus. For once, she had been having a good mental health day. Nothing could bring her down, so she thought.

Though her wings slowly lowered farther and farther as Magnus began to deliver his message.

“This is about your energy uses.” He started, moving his hand from blocking the hallway to fold his arms over his chest. “There’s no reason to leave the lights on all night if you’re not using them. It’s wasteful.”

Brainstorm tried to put on a false chipper attitude, one of the things she was good at. “Well you never know when a bright idea might strike me in the middle of the night! Strong enough to pull me from recharge! By time I make it over to the light switch and back again to write it down I might’ve forgotten it!”

Ultra Magnus looked unconvinced. “I’m sure your capability of retaining memories isn’t as bad as you think, however…”  
  
Brainstorm assumed he was going to give her the okay, send her off with a “try not to do it” and be on her merry way.

“However you’ll let it slide? Never thought you’d be so generous, Magnus! Thank you for this talk it’s been f-”

“However.” He interrupted, putting his hand out to stop her from leaving once again. “I must inform you I will not be allowing it to continue.”

Brainstorm stopped dead, winglets as low as they could go without dislodging them.

Ultra Magnus didn’t seem to notice, continuing. “From now on I’m issuing a strict lights out rule. You must turn off your lights exactly five minutes before you go to sleep, I will be making sure you follow it. Understood?”

Brainstorm let out a choked, barely audible “Yeah, sure…” Her gaze didn’t lift from the floor, she could worm around it, right? She could make some sort of...illusion? Make it look like they were off when they weren’t? No, too obvious. Perceptor would know, she’d tell Magnus.  

Ultra Magnus had stolen the reins from her and thrown it to the hounds. There was no way she could get control back now. Magnus let her continue her stroll to her room, though this time it looked as if she was dragging herself to be executed.

She entered her room, shut the door behind her, and stared down her berth. The lone clean thing among her messy room of crumpled papers and scattered datapads. She let out a deep ex-vent, trying to figure out a way out of this. He did say five minutes before she went to sleep, correct? So in that case...as long as she didn’t sleep, she could keep the lights on!

She regained her composure, grinning beneath her faceplate. That was a wonderful idea! She could cheat the rule after all!  All she had to do was stay awake, that was a simple enough task. It wasn’t as if she hadn’t done it before. Millennia of late night projects had prepared her for such an ordeal. There were hundreds of things she could do to keep herself occupied, as well. She could think of no way this plan could backfire.

And for a while, it didn’t. Another stroke of genius from the great scientist Brainstorm of the Lost Light! Every morning, in the hours when early risers were awakening from recharge and night owls were just slipping into it, she was there; bright and ready to start the day. She was feeling pretty confident, in fact!

Then the days turned into a week, and she was starting to feel...less confident. Less confident, more exhausted. For a bit she had kept herself going on energy drinks, but that couldn’t last forever.  

It started small and unnoticeable. General bleariness and the like. Her awareness reducing as the hours went by. It got worse as time went on. Dragging herself along, droopy optics and she could never seem to speak above a mumble. Loud noises hurt her ears and made her head ache, same going for too bright lights. Not a good time to be around Whirl, who was constantly shouting for one reason or another. Not a good time to visit Swerve’s, as well, with the neon lights that lit the place in the late hours.

She would start to pass out whenever she sat down. Usually when she was working on something. Usually in the lab...usually when Perceptor could notice. And she did, she had been noticing it for a while, in fact.

At first she just chalked it up to late night work, but she watched quietly as it got worse. Though Brainstorm probably didn’t notice it, either due to her not being able to think clearly through weariness or otherwise, Perceptor had been watching her for the past week.

She noticed when the small noises of tinkering would end abruptly in a thud, and she would notice when Brainstorm was slumped like a ragdoll over the desk. Before, she didn’t want to say anything but...she was growing increasingly worried.

“Brainstorm,” she would confront her on it one day.

Brainstorm started awake, optics snapping open and flicking around wildly to find the source before landing on the microscope leaning over her. She forced a grin and pushed herself up.

“Heyyy Percy! What’s the problem?” She slurred out, if Perceptor didn’t know any better she’d assume she was drunk.

The thing with Perceptor is she was blunt, very blunt. Someone such as Brainstorm who spent a lot of time around her would be used to it, and not phased at this quirk. Even in her exhausted state.

“What’s wrong with you?” She asked, not expecting a straight answer but still, maybe it would get them both somewhere.

Brainstorm, as usual, avoided the question. “Nothin’s wrong!” She said, in as cheery a voice as she could manage. “Jusss workin’ on projects…” as she spoke she was starting to nod off again, trailing off at the end of her half-assed answer. She was too tired to think up an elaborate lie.

“Uh huh, and that’s why you’ve gotten exactly zero work done.” Perceptor said, pointing at her project which at the moment was just some small parts scattered across the desk.

Brainstorm looked to where she was pointing. “Plannin’ stages take a lotta work, Percy! You know this.”

If it hadn’t been obvious before, it was obvious now: Brainstorm wasn’t going to cooperate. Though she wasn’t sure why she expected different.

Perceptor took a hold of one of one of the gun barrels on Brainstorm's back, using it to hoist her into an upright position. Brainstorm looked surprised at the sudden manhandling. Still, a confused “Wha…?” was all she could manage in reply.

“Sleep, now.” Perceptor demanded, pointing out the door of the lab. “Go to your room, and rest. Take as long as you need to, your work isn’t going anywhere.”

That got her riled, she seemed to snap back into reality immediately. “Ah..isn’t it a bit early to be heading to bed, though? So much to do so little time!”

The thing about being in a spaceship in, well, space, is there were no day/night cycles. The Lost Light had their own time zone simply to keep schedules intact. Due to this, no matter what time Brainstorm went to bed; she would be plagued by darkness.

Perceptor seemed suspicious of her reluctance to go to sleep, raising an optic ridge slightly. “No, not when you’re in a state like this. There’s nothing important that needs attending to immediately, if there is I’ll wake you. Go. To. Bed.”

Brainstorm let out a small whine, she didn’t have the energy to come up with endless counter-arguments like she usually could. No words, another yank of the gun barrel, and a point at the door. It was all she needed to get the point. She got to her feet, muttering something about being unfair, the usual pouty huffy fit she would pull when she couldn’t win with Perceptor. It happened a lot.

Even in her state, Brainstorm was still scheming how to get out of this. Let’s see...it was the middle of the day, she could write off to Magnus she just went in her room to do some private work. He wouldn’t suspect a thing, it wasn’t as if he had a camera installed in her room. She could get an hour or two of rest, wake up refreshed, and start over again until Perceptor caught her. Rinse and repeat, she’d be fine!

Feeling confident again, she walked into her room unafraid. She lay down on the berth, getting comfortable and shuttering her optics. “Not today, hallucinations!” She thought to herself, for once completely relaxed. Suddenly, the lights cut out. Her optics shot open and she stiffened immediately. She could hear a large collection of groans from the people in rooms around her. Power outage.

Nononono, this couldn’t be happening. A power outage? Surely it’d be back on shortly, right? _Right_? There was an announcement over the intercom, Rodimus was on trying to explain.

“Hey guys, uh...something happened with the generators, glitch mouse might’ve gotten into it. Don’t worry, we’ll have everything up and running again soon!” And with that, the message ended.

“Soon”? How soon exactly was “soon”? Brainstorm didn’t want to know.

What she did know, and unfortunately was taking notice of very quickly, was the lingering sense of dread. Force herself into recharge, maybe? That was something she could try to do. She shuttered her optics again, curling in on herself in a self-hug.

Maybe they’d leave, maybe she’d get some peace for once...but no, they were there. They were back. She felt slimy hands grab a hold of her, trailing down her body roughly.

Ah auditory hallucinations, that was something she hadn’t experienced in a while. It wasn’t anything coherent; mindless muttering and raspy voices whispering her name. Though that was probably more unnerving than actual talking, at least she could make sense of that. Make excuses of it.

She didn’t respond, she couldn’t respond. What would people think hearing her talk to herself? With the power out there was no buzz of noise to drown out anything she was saying. Usually her room-neighbors she at least assumed would have something to distract themselves from her talking...but with nothing who would stop them from eavesdropping?

It was in front of her now. It had no eyes to speak of, only a mouth. A large gaping mouth lined with innumerable teeth, open widely as if it was ready to swallow her whole any second. Brainstorm closed her optics again, moving her arm to cover her face. Try to ignore it, it’ll stop.

But even with her guards, a thing with no physical form couldn’t be stopped by obstacles. She could feel claws shredding apart her chest. It hurt oh god did it _hurt._ It felt like if it went on for any longer it would reach her spark and tear it carelessly out of her body.

 _Just force yourself into recharge_ . She kept saying to herself. _Hallucinations can’t manifest when you’re asleep._

But she couldn’t, and it didn’t go away. It stayed there. She couldn’t see it, but she could feel it. Leaning over her, blowing hot breath on her neck. At any moment it could strike and rip out her neck cabling, ending her miserable li-

The door sliding open, that sound was real. She knew it was real, she knew it from the sound of someone grunting with the force of pushing it to that point. With the power off doors had to be opened manually.

“Brainstorm, Rodimus wants you t- Brainstorm?” It was Perceptor, she sounded concerned.

And who wouldn’t be, seeing what she was seeing? Brainstorm was curled up on her side, trembling violently and staring owl-eyed at her, digging her fingers into her chest plating. There were dents in her side and scratched paint from her self-mutilation.

Perceptor dropped what she was originally going to say, Rodimus could wait. There were plenty of engineers on ship that could help with the generators, anyway. Instead, she rushed over to her.

“What happened?” She still was blunt, even in a worried state. Though she attempted to sound gentle, it wasn’t working that well.

Brainstorm stopped digging at her chest, just now realizing she was doing that. She moved her arms down to try and rest in a more natural position. A pose that said “I’m not absolutely terrified right now, you didn’t catch me in the middle of a mental breakdown what do you mean?”. It wasn’t very convincing. She was still shaking like a leaf and even when she tried to speak it came out in stutters.

“H-hey Percy…” she whispered, “What brings y-y-you here?” Tears were threatening to spill over, but she tried to keep it back. It was bad enough already.

“Not important; what happened?” Perceptor repeated, she was demanding at this point. This wasn’t something she could just roll her eyes at Brainstorm’s uncooperativeness and let be after all. She looked like someone had a gun to her head, for Primus sake!

Brainstorm didn’t answer. She didn’t want to tell her. She didn’t want anyone dragged into her personal problems. She just went quiet, not daring to meet Perceptor’s eyes.

This only served to upset Perceptor more; what, didn’t she trust her? Besides searing comments and harsh comebacks, what had she done to hurt her? Nothing she could immediately think of.

Brainstorm glanced up at Perceptor when her face fell, that made her feel even more guilty. She tried to flip over so she wouldn’t have to look at her, but a hand on her shoulder made her stop.

“Brainstorm, please, I want to help you.” She said, this time genuinely gentle. She wanted to know, she didn’t want her to be scared of...whatever it was. A shining knight to kill the dragon keeping her, or at least that’s how human children stories went. Didn’t work much in real life.

Brainstorm sat up, folding her legs and holding her knees. Perceptor sat on the berth next to her, expectantly waiting. The walls she built to hide behind broke, and she told her everything. Everything; the hallucinations, her ridiculous fear, how the dark triggered it, and so on and so forth.

Perceptor didn’t say a word while she let everything out, she just listened to everything she had to say, only reaching out at one point to hold her hand and rub her thumb soothingly across the back of it. She clutched it tightly and used her free hand to wipe at lubricant spilling over from her optics as she blubbered out an ending to her tale.

“You haven’t told anyone about this? Not even Rung?” She finally asked, “He could help you, you know.”

“Don’t want him to…” She croaked, hiccupping slightly. She really had...no real reason behind it. Rung would probably be more than willing to help her, but again, she didn’t want anyone to know. Perceptor had just come in at the wrong time.

Perceptor didn’t press further, she’d try to convince her later, perhaps, when she was more stable. For now, she had to calm her down, just...be there for her in general. She didn’t object when Brainstorm shoved herself against her front, squeezing her tightly.

She gave a small ex-vent, rubbing circles on Brainstorm's back and coaxing her to lay down. She did, but didn’t loosen her grip on the other. Her face was smashed flush against her neck cabling, Perceptor could feel the small puffs of air come from the slits in her mask. It wasn’t enough to cause her much discomfort, just a sort of ticklish feeling that she was used to at this point.

And with her, nothing came. Not even the lingering sense of dread in the back of Brainstorm's mind. With Perceptor she felt more safe then she had in years.

With Perceptor, she slept with the lights off.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for sticking through with this mess. 
> 
> HMU @predaking on tumblr to send me prompts about these gays or otherwise...no guarantee I'll fill them though I don't write as often as I should.


End file.
